Well, we needed some time to decompress after loosing Charlotte and my grandfather (Papa). It's been tough, and every day it goes back and forth from being shocked that either of them is actually gone, to being in denial, to being angry or devastated, and the cycle repeats constantly.
I often look at photos of the two of them and wonder what their up to in heaven. Wonder if they are taking walks together. I had a lovely dream on my birthday that we were celebrating at my parent's house and in every picture we took in the background was Papa with Charlotte and Sandy (my childhood dog who passed away when I was 13). Charlotte wasn't blind anymore and looked so happy and young. In fact, they all did. It was a wonderful birthday dream that I am sure my Papa sent to me to let me know the three of them are okay together.
Photo of Sandy and me on our first Christmas.. she and I grew up together. :)
Papa and Sandy.. always the prankster!
Papa taking Sandy and me for a ride around the drive way.
How I wish I could crawl back in time, climb up on his lap and hug him again...
It's hard to live 1200 miles away from my family, because sometimes I forget he is gone. It's not like when I was a kid and would take the 3 minute drive over to his house and see him. For me, it doesn't always sink in until I want to call him and tell him something and realize he isn't there anymore.
It's more real with Charlotte. I have sort of gotten used to her not being here anymore, but every once in a while I'll miss her walking under my feet in the kitchen when I'm cooking. Or I remember when I look over at her dog bed (the one she passed away in- that I haven't had the heart to wash and still sits next to our bed as if she is still sleeping in it). It's just little things that remind me she is gone.
I know it will get easier as time goes on, and I'll never officially get over it all, but for now I just try to keep their memory alive through photos and stories, and if I'm lucky, an occasional dream too.
