If I could take anything back I don't think I would
I would only hope for more time
For the life we gave you was more than good
And you will always be in Daddy's heart, and mine.
One word of advice to those of you out there
Who are searching for the perfect pet
Trust me, there is an animal in shelter care
That will be the best friend you've had yet.
There is no greater joy in the world than knowing you gave a dog a second chance at life, and then gave them a wonderful one at that. Before you start shopping, consider adopting!!
Today, April 4th, 2012, we had to say goodbye to our beloved Charlotte. Our first pet together. Our first baby.
For those who don't know the background story: we adopted Charlotte when we lived in NYC, back in 2006. She was 8 years old at the time. I wanted a dog and Rob wasn't too sure about all of the responsibilities of having a dog, but I pushed for it (in my typical fashion) and arranged for the rescue group to bring her to our apartment so we could see her in person. I sat by the window for an hour waiting and finally a yellow cab pulled up in front of the building and out pops a woman with a small 6lb all black dog with pointed ears and the sweetest little bug eyes I'd ever seen. We invited them in, and Charlotte (as the rescue group had named her) pranced around sniffing every inch of the apartment. Finally, after a few minutes of exploring she decided this would be her new home and to show her gratitude, she squatted and peed on the floor. I looked at Rob, worried that he would say "No way- get her out of here" But instead he smiled at Charlotte and the nice little puddle next to her and said "I'll get my check book..." As for me, I went to get something to clean the mess with. After we gave the nice lady the check and she said her goodbyes and left, the gravity of it all set in. We have a dog now... but wait.. we didn't have bowls, toys, or even dog food. So Rob got her a bowl of water while I rand to the local RiteAid and stocked up on food, treats, toys, a leash, etc. What proud parents we were that day.
She lived 7 years with us- through a break up, a marriage, 2 moves to 2 different states, road trips, and more. At the age of 10 she began to lose her sight and at 12 she was fully blind. But that never stopped her. In the past year we found out that she has been suffering from Cushing's Disease [see previous post about this]. We're unsure how long she had it before we diagnosed her. We knew the treatment would be rough for her, so we opted to let her live out the remainder of her life happily and when we noticed she was in pain or the disease was taking a toll on her, we'd let her go humanely.
For the past few weeks we've noticed her deteriorating [see previous post about this]. We discussed our options, and I called around to the vet(s) and humane society to get an idea of pricing and what happens after she is gone. Rob wanted her to pass at home, hoping she would just go to sleep and not wake up, but I was more concerned that she'd have a heart attack or it would be painful for her when she passed. So finally, we compromised and decided on having her put to sleep at home when the time came.
We found a wonderful woman, Dr. Burrell, from of Gentle Pet Passings, LLC. She comes to the house, gives you time and space to say your goodbyes, then will put your pet down and will allow you as much time as you need after it is done. Then she takes the pet with her and brings the ashes back to you a few days later. We thought this would be the best way to go. The last thing we wanted is Charlotte to spend her last few breaths at a place she hated to go to- the vet. And I was already dreading the walk back to the car with just her collar and leash in hand.
At first, Rob and I were at odds about having her cremated. I didn't see the sense in spending the money to have her ashes retuned to us. But when I called the vet to find out the pricing, I though to ask what would happen to her body if we didn't claim it. The receptionist told me, in the nicest way he could, that she would be picked up by the same company who picks the euthanized dogs up from the pound. I immediately began to cry. All I could think about was how 7 years ago we saved her from that fate of being put down and thrown away with no one to claim her, and how could we give her such an amazing life and then let it end the same way? I wouldn't be able to live with myself. So I decided forking over a couple hundred dollars and giving her a proper goodbye was the best way for us to cope with this loss too. So we arranged it all with Dr. Burrell and set up a tentative "appointment" for her to come to our home on Friday, April 6th- exactly 1 month to the day of my grandfather's passing, 4 weeks to the day from his viewing, and on Good Friday no less.
However, after a few sleepless nights of worrying as she grew sicker and sicker, we decided she was suffering too much and called for Dr. Burrell. She came into our home tonight and allowed us to say our goodbyes and put Charlotte to sleep in one of her favorite spots- laying on our balcony. Just as the sun was setting.
This past month has been very hard for our family. My mother lost her father, my father lost his uncle, and now we've lost our Charlotte. It's said that "God will never give you more than you can handle" but I'm having a hard time figuring out if he's grossly overestimated my abilities... I'm just hoping that as terrible as this year has started out for us all, that it will only get better from here.
As a memorial, I've created this video of photos for her. The song playing in the background is "Smile", and I am singing it. I used to sing this to her when she was sick, or hurt, or just needed some help relaxing and falling asleep, and it would always sooth her. I though it would be fitting for this video so I recorded myself singing it to her one last time...
